“I have had many different experiences with psychedelics over time and I attune my growing knowledge of the substances with the positive effects of those experiences. As I grow in knowledge and understanding of psychedelics, I am better equipped to use them in my recovery journey.
Hello, I am a 28-year-old woman who has gone through some crazy sh*t.
I was born to a single mother who was suffering from alcoholism, and into a family that basically had problems with substance abuse. I did not stand much of a chance, or so I thought.
So how did I move from eating tons of mushrooms like a bag of corn chips in a locked up basement to taking psychedelics in the right way that would help my recovery? You might be wondering how that is possible, and that is why I’m here to show you how to make it possible.
You know those stories about people that got molested as children, or went through drug abuse and addiction, date rape, abandonment, and just loads of physical and emotional torture? Yeah, that’s my story!
I’m not going to go into all the nasty little details of what I’ve been through because this isn’t a story about how messed up my life has been. It’s a story of how I went through it all and prevailed. So let’s dive straight into it!
To cut the long story short, after I turned 18, I officially aged out of foster care. When you age out in Canada, they basically kick you out on the street with just the knowledge and properties you have in the world, along with a good luck message.
I then moved to Edmonton, Alberta from Kelowna, British Columbia. I had a few acquaintances in the city and I was quite desperate to make some new friends. I wasn’t sure where I could go to meet some new people, so I dressed up and headed to a local pub. Being a young female out alone on the streets, I drew a lot of attention from different people. Most of them did not have great intentions, but because of my abusive background, I had the coping skills to deal with that sort of abuse. And to be honest, any kind of attention was better than the abuse I had gone through.
I became a regular at this bar pretty quickly, and then they asked me to work there. There I began a lifestyle lasting 8years as a promoter, bartender, and shooter girl. It was on the job that I got to meet many interesting characters. I met one who went on to drug one of my friends and even served a pretty popular musician that said he had not slept or changed his clothes throughout his tour. Pretty obvious red flags, but I was just cool with having some new friends.
I had successfully disguised my own mental and physical decline as a good time. I mean, I was going to school, making a reasonable amount of money, doing yoga, and I was in good shape as well. That was the story I kept telling myself, and although it was technically true, two things can be taking place at the same time. I was also in several relationships that were not only NOT benefitting me, but they were actually causing me harm. I was drinking alcohol like crazy and doing a lot of cocaine.
When you have a job to push sales on people and you get to drink and do drugs with celebrities, you think you’re having fun. At the beginning anyway.
When I chose to start working on my drinking problem, I analyzed my emotions and how I acted around alcohol, and this made me notice how bad my situation really was. I was still working in a bar, and although that definitely did not help me, it was a big psychological experiment for me.
Why would I wait outside the club and say to myself that I would not drink that night and feel that way genuinely? And then after spending a bit of time in the club, I would cave in and find myself completely drunk.
I was so fully disappointed in myself and my seeming lack of control that frustration started to grow.
I quickly realized that the problem was with my environment. The clubs were set up in an unsafe way, with several other options available if you chose not to drink. The energy was always high and in most places, the people were probably trying to get as rowdy as they possibly could. Or at least, this was just the people and associations I had surrounded myself with.
After I noticed this, I stopped working at the club and moved away completely from the city. I was finally away from all my problems and triggers, or at least that’s what I thought.
It turns out that I had to:
1. Get out of the environment that contained my triggers.
2. Analyze who I gave my energy and time to, and then shift it.
3. Do a load of work on my inside, which ended up being really deep-rooted.
Getting sober did not just mean me removing alcohol from my life.
It meant letting go of feelings of guilt, grief, body pain, self-deprecating talk, flashbacks from PTSD, and a body that was definitely not healthy enough to handle any of that.
And so, my healing journey started.
I want to quickly go back to the fact that I have seen a load of therapists throughout my life. There were a couple of court orders by the government that meant I had to see some as a child of the foster care system, as well as some others that I chose to see. I have been for massages, inner child therapy, chiropractic care, yoga teacher training, cupping, CBT, acupuncture……I’ve gone for almost any workshop or relaxation class you can think of.
Although I spent time at parties, I also took time out to learn about trauma and how I could heal from past abuse, along with the abuse I went through every weekend.
When I moved to Vancouver, BC, about three years into my harm-reduction journey, I was on about five different types of mood pills each day. This pill package included Zoloft, Ativan, Wellbutrin, and a mood balancer that I choose not to remember.
Was I sober? Yeah!
Did I feel good?
Nope, not really.
I moved with my partner to Vancouver to work on my company’s development, along with a doctor who had been performing some research on psychedelics in Canada. That is where I started to get loads of good relevant information about psychedelics and even found some great places to buy shrooms in Canada.
I remember the first time I heard about ketamine inhalers in other countries and how much research was being done on psychedelics in those countries. I never even realized how close all of these were to where I lived, and how easily I could buy shrooms online. I had an intuition that I should wean myself off my mood balancers and antidepressants to replace them with the intentional use of psychedelics and cannabis.
I also want to make it clear that I do not advise anyone to do these substances on their own accord. I had an amazing support system, great supervision, as well as a very reliable source for my psychedelics.” You can also buy shrooms Canada from Canada Mushrooms.
“I did a lot of research, and I can now proudly say that I am a whole year off my SSRIs and I find it much easier to process things than ever before.
To me, the difference between being sober before using psychedelics intentionally to help my recovery process and after I started using psychedelics to help my recovery is like night and day.
An example is how before when I was out, I was also super aware of where the bar was located in the room, as well as who had drinks with them and how much of it each of them had. I knew I did not want to drink and that I was not going to, but I was still super-aware of the alcohol in my presence.
Now we can fast forward to the part where I am now sober with the help of psychedelics and I am no longer triggered. I guess I can say that I’m totally healed.
This is actually a very polished version of everything that happened, and there when even moments when I was not well prepared to handle the trip I was going through, and other times where my partner and I had not taken the right doses, as well as many other moments.
The point I’m trying to make is that we could feel a significant shift happening in our lives, especially in me. I noticed that I could now face my past traumas and stand up for myself in a way that I just couldn’t previously. I could then walk past my trauma and this made communication and expressions of love much easier between me and my partner.
I knew how much this was helping me and wanted to know more about it.
The Universe seemed to hear me, and a friend sent me a link to a virtual class about microdosing that was being held by San Francisco’s psychedelic society. After I went through a ton of great mushroom information, I finally felt prepared to dive into these potent medicines and buy shrooms in Canada.
I went through loads of documentaries about DMT, ayahuasca, and mushrooms, and I could not find anything that could stand in comparison to the personal stories of the course instructors. A good example is Dr. Fadiman, whose protocol I prescribe for anyone that wishes to try out some microdoses for a more gentle psychedelic experience.
As my knowledge about psychedelics grew, my experiences also got better and that is what I meant when I said at the beginning of this story that:
‘I have had many different experiences with psychedelics over time and I attune my growing knowledge of the substances with the positive effects of those experiences. As I grow in knowledge and understanding of the psychedelics, I am better equipped to use them in my recovery journey.’”
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